Relationships and Vulnerability

The following are some common problems in relationships that could lead to persistent difficulties:

• Fears of being known and exposed
• Fears of being vulnerable and then rejected
• Being afraid to leave what is familiar
• Feeling undeserving of love and then finding people who can't love
• Giving more than receiving
• Feeling afraid to express critical angry feelings, and as a consequence not being able to trust one's authentic self to emerge in a relationship

Many people suffer from fears of intimacy. People who suffer from persistent relationship problems are often fearful of intimacy and being vulnerable. In the past they may have been emotionally deserted, or may have lost a significant person due to death or abandonment. In relationships they find themselves giving more and receiving less. Ironically the unconscious goal is to repeat rather than remember the primary source of frustration, hurt, and abandonment. It is far better to be rejected again than to trust loving and being loved, and then feel like a fool when love is not returned.

On the other hand, how can a mutual loving relationship be possible if one does not risk loving, and take the chance on feeling a fool?

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Dr. Sehl would be interested in hearing about therapists' and patients' experience around these issues. Contact him today!